💕 How to Investigate Someone You’re Dating: Complete Guide
🔍 Trust, but verify. In the age of online dating, meeting strangers has never been easier—and neither has deception. Romance scams cost Americans over $1.3 billion annually, and that doesn’t count the emotional devastation of discovering your partner has been hiding a secret marriage, criminal history, or fabricated identity. This comprehensive guide shows you how to protect yourself by investigating a new romantic partner using legal, ethical methods. Your safety and peace of mind are worth it.
💭 Why Investigate Someone You’re Dating?
Let’s address this directly: investigating a romantic partner isn’t about being paranoid, controlling, or untrusting. It’s about being smart. When you meet someone through friends or family, you have built-in references. When you meet someone online or at a bar, you have nothing but their word.
Consider what’s at stake. You’re potentially inviting this person into your home, introducing them to your children, sharing your finances, and building a future together. A simple background check takes minutes and costs less than a nice dinner—yet it can reveal whether your charming new partner has a history of domestic violence, is currently married, owes six figures in child support, or is a registered sex offender.
This isn’t cynicism. It’s due diligence. The same research you’d do before buying a used car or hiring a contractor should absolutely apply to someone who might become your life partner.
When to Investigate
The right time to investigate depends on your situation, but here are reasonable milestones:
- Before meeting in person – A quick Google search and social media check can reveal obvious red flags before you invest time (or put yourself at risk) meeting a stranger
- Before becoming exclusive – Once you’re considering a committed relationship, a more thorough investigation is warranted
- Before moving in together – You’re merging your lives; you deserve to know who you’re living with
- Before getting engaged – Marriage creates legal and financial ties; protect yourself
- When something feels “off” – Trust your instincts; if stories don’t add up, investigate
🚩 Red Flags That Warrant Investigation
Some situations demand immediate investigation. If you notice any of these warning signs, it’s time to dig deeper before investing more of your heart—or your money.
🚩 Stories Don’t Add Up
Details about their job, education, or past change between conversations. They can’t keep their own story straight.
🚩 Avoids Video Calls
Always has an excuse for why they can’t video chat. This is the #1 sign of catfishing—they’re not who their photos show.
🚩 Secretive About Phone
Guards their phone obsessively, takes calls in private, or gets defensive when you’re near their device.
🚩 Asks for Money
Any request for money—especially before meeting—is a massive red flag. Romance scammers always have a “crisis.”
🚩 No Social Media Presence
Claims to not use social media at all, or has a brand-new account with few friends and no history.
🚩 Won’t Introduce You to Anyone
After months together, you still haven’t met a single friend or family member. They keep you compartmentalized.
🚩 Vague About Where They Live
You’ve never been to their home, or their living situation doesn’t make sense for their claimed income.
🚩 Unexplained Absences
Regularly unavailable during evenings, weekends, or holidays—times when someone with a spouse would be “busy.”
🚨 Immediate Deal-Breakers
Some situations require you to stop and investigate immediately: requests for money or financial help, pressure to move unusually fast (declarations of love within days), reluctance to meet in person, or discovering they’ve lied about something significant. These aren’t yellow flags—they’re bright red stop signs.
✅ What You Can Legally Discover
Before diving into investigation methods, let’s clarify what’s legal and ethical to research about a romantic partner. The good news: there’s a lot you can learn through completely legitimate means.
✅ Legal to Research
- Criminal records (public court records)
- Marriage and divorce records
- Property ownership records
- Bankruptcy filings
- Civil lawsuits and judgments
- Sex offender registry status
- Social media profiles (public)
- News articles and media mentions
- Business ownership records
- Professional license verification
❌ Off-Limits Methods
- Accessing their email or accounts
- Installing tracking software
- Hiring someone to hack accounts
- Obtaining credit reports (without consent)
- Recording calls (in some states)
- GPS tracking without consent
- Impersonating someone to get info
- Bribing people for information
- Trespassing on private property
- Stalking or harassment
🔍 Investigation Methods: DIY Approaches
Let’s walk through investigation methods you can use yourself, starting with free options and progressing to more comprehensive (paid) approaches.
Google Search
Start with the basics. Search their full name in quotes (“John Michael Smith”), then try variations with their city, employer, or school. Search their phone number and email address separately. Use Google Images to do a reverse image search on their profile photos—this can instantly reveal if they’re using stolen photos from someone else.
What you might find: News articles, professional profiles, social media accounts, forum posts, and whether their photos appear elsewhere online under different names.
Social Media Deep Dive
Check Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter/X, TikTok, and any other platforms they mention using. Look at their friends list, tagged photos, and old posts. Pay attention to relationship statuses, photos with other people, and comments from others. Check when the account was created and how active it is.
What you might find: Evidence of a current relationship, children they didn’t mention, inconsistencies in their life story, or signs they’re not who they claim to be.
Reverse Image Search
Upload their profile photos to Google Images, TinEye, or specialized tools like Social Catfish. This reveals everywhere else those photos appear online. Romance scammers typically steal photos from models, military personnel, or random social media accounts.
What you might find: The same photos on different dating profiles under different names, the original source of stolen photos, or confirmation that the photos are legitimately theirs.
Court Records Search
Search your county and state court records online for their name. Many jurisdictions have searchable databases for criminal cases, civil lawsuits, divorces, and restraining orders. Check both where they live now and any previous locations.
What you might find: Criminal history, pending charges, divorce records (including dates that reveal overlapping relationships), restraining orders, lawsuits, evictions, and bankruptcies.
Property Records
Search county assessor and recorder websites for property owned in their name. This reveals real estate holdings and, importantly, who else is listed on the deed—like a spouse they forgot to mention.
What you might find: Property ownership, co-owners (potentially a spouse), liens on property, and whether they actually own the home they claim to live in.
Sex Offender Registry
This is non-negotiable. Search the National Sex Offender Public Website (NSOPW.gov) and your state’s registry. This free, public information could literally save your life or protect your children.
What you might find: Registration status, offense details, compliance status, and photos to confirm identity.
🛡️ Want a Comprehensive Background Check?
Our professional background investigation services go beyond what you can find on your own.
Protect Yourself Today →📋 Professional Background Checks
While DIY methods are a good start, professional background checks access databases and records that aren’t available to the public. If you’re getting serious about someone, investing in a proper background check is money well spent.
What Professional Checks Include
A comprehensive background investigation typically covers:
- Criminal History – Felonies, misdemeanors, arrests, and pending charges from multiple jurisdictions
- Identity Verification – Confirmation that they are who they claim to be, including SSN trace
- Address History – Where they’ve actually lived, revealing potential hidden residences or lies about their past
- Marriage/Divorce Records – Current marital status and divorce history
- Civil Court Records – Lawsuits, judgments, restraining orders, and evictions
- Employment Verification – Whether they actually work where they claim
- Education Verification – Whether their degrees are real
- Professional License Checks – If they claim to be a doctor, lawyer, or other licensed professional
| Check Type | DIY Option | Professional Service |
|---|---|---|
| Google/Social Media | ✅ Free | ✅ Included |
| Criminal Records (Local) | ✅ Often Free | ✅ Nationwide |
| Criminal Records (National) | ❌ Limited | ✅ Comprehensive |
| Marriage/Divorce | ⚠️ Varies by State | ✅ Included |
| Identity Verification | ❌ Not Available | ✅ Full SSN Trace |
| Employment Verification | ❌ Limited | ✅ Direct Verification |
| Address History | ❌ Limited | ✅ 10+ Years |
| Sex Offender Check | ✅ Free (NSOPW) | ✅ Included |
💡 When to Upgrade to Professional
Consider a professional background check when: you’re planning to move in together, you’re introducing them to your children, you’re considering marriage, something feels “off” but you can’t pinpoint it, or they have a complicated history they’ve been vague about. The cost is minimal compared to the potential consequences of getting involved with the wrong person.
🎭 Spotting Romance Scams & Catfishing
Romance scams have exploded with online dating, costing victims billions of dollars and immeasurable heartbreak. Understanding how these scams work helps you avoid becoming a victim.
Common Romance Scam Profiles
Military Romance Scam
Claims to be deployed overseas, explains why they can’t video chat or visit. Eventually needs money for “leave,” “medical bills,” or “shipping personal items home.”
Doctor/Humanitarian
Claims to be a surgeon working with an international organization. Cultured, educated, romantic—and eventually needs help with customs fees, equipment, or emergency expenses.
Oil Rig Worker
Working on an offshore platform with limited communication. Conveniently explains sporadic availability and inability to meet in person. Needs money for contract issues or medical emergencies.
International Business
Successful businessperson who travels constantly. Their money is “tied up” in investments, and they need temporary help with a financial emergency.
Widowed Parent
Sympathetic backstory of losing their spouse. Often has a “child” who becomes part of the scam, needing medical care or school fees.
Inheritance/Package Scam
Needs help receiving an inheritance or valuable package. You just need to pay customs fees, taxes, or processing charges.
Romance Scam Red Flags
- Love bombing – Excessive flattery, declarations of love within days, talk of destiny and soulmates before you’ve even met
- Perfect match – They share all your interests, values, and dreams. They’re exactly what you described wanting in a partner.
- Communication patterns – Grammar and phrasing inconsistent with their claimed background (American “doctor” with broken English)
- Avoids real-time interaction – Always an excuse for why they can’t video chat, voice call, or meet in person
- Financial emergency – After building emotional connection, crisis strikes requiring your financial help
- Untraceable payments – Requests wire transfers, gift cards, cryptocurrency, or other methods that can’t be reversed
- Escalating requests – First request is small (“just $200”), but amounts keep growing as you’ve shown willingness to send money
🚨 The Golden Rule
Never send money to someone you haven’t met in person. Period. No legitimate romantic interest will ask you for money before you’ve established a real-world relationship. Romance scammers are professional manipulators who know exactly how to exploit loneliness and desire for connection.
How to Verify Someone’s Identity
- Reverse image search their photos – Drag their profile pictures into Google Images, TinEye, or Social Catfish. If the same photos appear under different names, you’ve found a scammer.
- Video chat early and often – Insist on video calls before investing emotionally. Someone who won’t video chat is hiding something.
- Ask specific questions – People lying about their identity struggle with details. Ask about their hometown, school, workplace, and listen for inconsistencies.
- Verify their employment – A quick LinkedIn check and phone call to their claimed employer can confirm they actually work there.
- Check their phone number – Search the number online. Is it a real cell phone or a burner app number?
- Request spontaneous photos – Ask them to send a photo right now doing something specific (holding up three fingers, for example). Scammers can’t produce photos on demand.
- Meet in person – The ultimate verification. Meet in a public place with safety precautions, and confirm they match their photos and stories.
🔎 Think You’re Being Catfished?
Our skip tracing services can verify someone’s real identity and background.
Verify Their Identity →💍 Investigating Marriage & Relationship Status
One of the most common—and devastating—discoveries in dating investigations is finding out your partner is already married. Married people who cheat have become experts at compartmentalizing their lives, but there are ways to uncover the truth.
Signs They Might Be Married
- Only available certain times – Available during work hours but never evenings, weekends, or holidays
- You’ve never been to their home – Always has a reason to come to your place instead
- Secretive about their phone – Takes calls in private, keeps phone face-down, changed your contact name
- Cash only – Pays for everything in cash to avoid credit card statements their spouse might see
- No social media presence – Or a presence that’s suspiciously devoid of personal photos and check-ins
- Vague about living situation – “Roommate” who’s oddly present or a living situation that doesn’t make sense
- Won’t introduce you to friends/family – After significant time together, you’re still a secret
- Tan line on ring finger – The classic physical tell
How to Verify Marital Status
Marriage Records Search
Marriage licenses are public records in most states. Search the county clerk or recorder’s office where they live (and have lived) for marriage certificates in their name. Some states have searchable online databases. Our background investigation services include marriage and divorce record searches.
Property Records
Search county property records for homes owned in their name. Pay attention to co-owners—a spouse often appears on the deed. This also reveals if they actually own the home they claim, or if they’re living in someone else’s property.
Social Media Investigation
Search for their name combined with terms like “wedding,” “married,” “wife,” or “husband.” Check their tagged photos carefully. Look at their friends’ public posts for mentions or photos that might include a spouse. Check the accounts of people who frequently comment on their posts.
Divorce Records
If they claim to be divorced, verify it. Divorce decrees are public records. Search county court records where they lived during the marriage. The absence of a divorce record when they claim to be divorced is a major red flag.
💰 Financial Red Flags to Investigate
Financial deception in relationships is extremely common—and often escalates over time. Discovering your partner has massive debt, a bankruptcy they hid, or a pattern of financial irresponsibility is something you want to know before you merge finances.
Warning Signs of Financial Problems
- Lifestyle doesn’t match income – Expensive car and clothes but claims a modest job, or vice versa
- Vague about employment – Can’t clearly explain what they do or who they work for
- Asks to borrow money – Especially early in the relationship or for “emergencies” that keep recurring
- Gets calls from debt collectors – Or mail from collection agencies
- Won’t discuss finances – Becomes defensive or evasive when financial topics come up
- Can’t get approved for basic things – Trouble renting an apartment, financing a car, or getting credit cards
- Always has a cash flow crisis – Paycheck never seems to last, constant “temporary” money problems
What You Can Discover
📋 Public Financial Records
Without their consent, you can legally discover: bankruptcy filings (federal court records), civil judgments and liens, property ownership and mortgages, tax liens, and court records showing financial lawsuits. These public records reveal patterns of financial irresponsibility that could impact your future together.
🔒 Protecting Yourself During Investigation
While investigating a partner, it’s important to protect yourself—both legally and personally.
Safety Guidelines
- Stay within legal bounds – Never access their accounts, install tracking software, or use any illegal methods
- Document what you find – Screenshot or save evidence; webpages and social media posts can be deleted
- Be discreet – Don’t tip them off that you’re investigating, especially if you’re finding concerning information
- Trust your instincts – If something feels wrong, it probably is. Don’t let them gaslight you
- Have an exit plan – If you discover something dangerous (like a violent criminal history), plan how to safely distance yourself
- Involve authorities if needed – If you discover they’re committing crimes or you feel threatened, contact police
⚠️ If You Discover Something Alarming
If your investigation reveals a violent criminal history, domestic abuse convictions, or other dangerous patterns, prioritize your safety. Don’t confront them alone. Confide in trusted friends or family, and if you feel threatened, contact local authorities. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) provides confidential support and safety planning.
🤝 When to Hire a Professional Investigator
Sometimes DIY investigation isn’t enough. Here’s when it makes sense to bring in professional help:
✅ Complex Situations
They’ve lived in multiple states or countries, making records harder to search. Professionals have nationwide database access.
✅ Something Feels “Off”
Your instincts are screaming, but you can’t find anything concrete. A professional might find what you’re missing.
✅ High Stakes
You’re planning marriage, combining finances, or introducing them to your children. The cost of professional investigation is trivial compared to the potential consequences.
✅ Suspected Romance Scam
If you suspect you’re being scammed, professionals can verify identity and investigate whether you’re dealing with a known scammer.
✅ Verification of Claims
They claim prestigious degrees, professional licenses, or career achievements that seem too good to be true. Professionals can verify.
✅ Need Admissible Evidence
If you might need evidence for legal proceedings (divorce, custody), professional investigators document findings properly.
What Professionals Can Do
Professional investigators and services like ours offer capabilities beyond DIY methods:
- Comprehensive background checks with nationwide criminal history
- Identity verification confirming they are who they claim to be
- Employment verification directly with employers
- Asset searches revealing hidden property and financial interests
- Property ownership searches uncovering real estate holdings
- Marriage and divorce record searches
- Education and credential verification
- Social media deep dives
- Public records compilation from multiple jurisdictions
💕 Protect Your Heart—And Your Future
Our discreet, professional investigations help you make informed decisions about your relationship.
Get Peace of Mind →💚 Green Flags: Signs You’ve Found Someone Genuine
Investigation isn’t just about finding problems—it’s also about confirming you’ve found someone real and trustworthy. Here are signs that your partner is likely who they claim to be:
💚 Consistent Story
Details about their life remain consistent over time. Their past, their job, their family—the story doesn’t change.
💚 Digital Presence Makes Sense
Social media history going back years, consistent with their claimed life. Tagged photos with friends and family.
💚 Eager to Video Chat
Happy to jump on video calls anytime. What you see matches their photos and what they’ve told you.
💚 Introduces You to Their World
You’ve met friends, family, coworkers. You’ve been to their home. You’re integrated into their life.
💚 Financial Transparency
Open about their financial situation—good or bad. Willing to discuss finances before big commitments.
💚 Verifiable Background
Claims about education, employment, and professional credentials check out when you verify them.
💚 Never Asks for Money
Financially independent and never puts you in a position where you feel obligated to help financially.
💚 Respects Your Caution
Understands your need to take things slowly and verify things. Doesn’t get defensive about reasonable questions.
❓ Frequently Asked Questions
Yes, researching someone using public records, social media, and legitimate background check services is completely legal. What’s not legal: accessing their private accounts without permission, installing tracking software, impersonating someone to obtain information, or any form of stalking or harassment. Stick to public information and professional services, and you’re on solid legal ground.
This is a personal decision. If the check came back clean and you’re moving forward with the relationship, you might mention it casually—many reasonable people understand this precaution in the age of online dating. If you found something concerning, you’ll need to decide whether to confront them or simply end the relationship. There’s no legal obligation to disclose that you researched them.
Context matters. A DUI from 15 years ago is different from recent violent felonies. Consider the nature of the offense, how long ago it occurred, whether there’s a pattern, and whether they’ve been honest about it. Some offenses (domestic violence, sexual offenses, fraud) are serious red flags regardless of timing. Others might be forgivable, especially if they’ve been upfront about their past.
Use reverse image search tools like Google Images, TinEye, or Social Catfish. Upload their profile photos and see where else they appear online. If the same photos show up on other dating profiles under different names, or on modeling/stock photo sites, you’re dealing with a catfish. Also ask for spontaneous photos—legitimate people can send you a quick selfie; scammers using stolen photos cannot.
Search county marriage records where they live and have lived. Look at property records for co-owners. Check social media—their own and their friends’. Look for tan lines on ring fingers, unexplained absences during evenings/weekends/holidays, and reluctance to have you at their home. Our background investigation includes marriage and divorce record searches.
Key signs include: quick declarations of love before meeting, excuses for not video chatting, claims of working overseas (military, oil rig, humanitarian work), requests for money (especially by wire transfer or gift cards), too-perfect compatibility, poor grammar inconsistent with their claimed background, and newly created social media profiles with minimal history.
Basic background checks range from $20-50 for instant database searches. Comprehensive investigations with criminal history, marriage/divorce records, employment verification, and asset searches typically range from $100-500 depending on depth. Compare this to the potential cost of marrying a con artist or moving in with someone dangerous—professional investigation is an investment in your safety.
Absolutely, and you should. The National Sex Offender Public Website (NSOPW.gov) is free and searchable by name and location. Your state likely also has its own registry with additional details. This is public safety information that everyone dating should check before getting serious with someone.
Report the scam immediately to: the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov, the FBI’s IC3 at ic3.gov, and your local police. Contact your bank or the payment service immediately—some transactions can be reversed if reported quickly. Unfortunately, wire transfers and gift cards are extremely difficult to recover. Also report the scammer’s profile to the dating platform where you met them.
📚 Related Resources
🔗 More Helpful Guides
- Background Investigation Services – Comprehensive checks for romantic partners
- Criminal Background Check Guide – What shows up and how long records appear
- What Shows Up on Background Checks – Complete breakdown of background check results
- How to Run a Background Check – Step-by-step guide to screening someone
- How to Find Someone’s Address – Locate where someone really lives
- Skip Tracing Services – Verify identity and find hidden information
- How to Find Property Ownership – Discover real estate holdings
💕 Your Safety Is Worth Protecting
Don’t leave your heart—or your future—to chance. Our professional investigation services help you make informed decisions about the people you let into your life.
Start Your Investigation →
